Tears of War
by Eponine4
Summary: I had cried for me, and my loss, and then for you, because I knew how you felt. And in that awful, and yet wonderful instance, I felt infinite, and I felt we together were infinite...But then you left. Please, please come back safe. I can't live without y


Disclaimer: I own nothing... Don't sue  
  
Summary: Hermione reflects on the war and how she feels about Ron and Harry fighting in it, sad.   
  
  
Tears of War  
  
I fold up the letter I got from you two. It made me cry; in fact tears are still on my cheeks as I say this. I don't really know why I'm saying this, I guess it's easier for me to pretend you're here with me. Then it doesn't hurt quite so much; it doesn't make me quite so worried.   
  
I know it's weird but between the three of us I was always the weird one anyways wasn't I? I'm the girl, The bookish one, I'm not very sporty, but you guys always tried to make me feel part of the group. Not including those couple times in which Ron gave me the silent treatment.   
  
You don't know how hard it was for me when you did that. Gave me the silent treatment I mean. And now your gone fighting and it feels like the ultimate silent treatment, and it makes me depressed to know that I may never hear your voice again, even if it was always filled with sarcasm, I love your voice. It scares me to think of what I'll turn into if you don't come back, if you do die, I know I'll die along with you, or a big part of me, my heart. Not that you know this. I never really told you, too nervous.   
  
Harry used to pick on me about it, remember? Harry'd say, "Don't worry, if he says he doesn't like you, which he won't, then you guys can have another flaming row, and the end you always win those anyways." I always pretended to be mad at you when you said stuff like that, but you always knew I wasn't. You'd say, "You're a genius Herm, not an actress." Herm. That was the nickname you guys always used when you were picking on me. I never told you this, but in the end I actually found it kind of endearing. Not as endearing as my other nickname though.  
  
Mione, that one was Ron's, he only used it occasionally when it was only us, and we were both in good moods. When we thought Harry was dead in forth year, that was the first time you used it, remember? I had started crying when we had heard what happened, that someone had rigged the goblet. I was so embarrassed, sitting there crying, I kept trying to hide my face. You pulled my hands away though, remember, took my hands away looked me in the eye and said, "It'll be ok Mione." And for that second I truly thought it would, and you had been right. It was ok for a while.   
  
But good things can't last forever, can they? The dark lord rose to power and no matter how much security was used no one could decipher for sure who was good and who was evil. I cried for hours the night I found out that Percy had been unknowingly working for the dark lord, and then killed when he had tried to quit working for him.   
  
I'd always liked Percy even if you two got annoyed of him. He always told me that I was special and that if you two gave me problems that he would set them straight. I went to him a couple of times about Ron. But in the end Ron had to come to me about Percy. "He-He's dead Mione," You had said in this incredibly deep soft voice that I'd only heard a few times before. And I had cried for me, for my loss, and then for you, because I knew how you were feeling, you had comforted me and then I had comforted you and in that instance, that awful, but wonderful instance, I felt infinite and I felt like we were infinite. And we'd always be together, and that maybe I could even tell you how I feel.   
  
But that was only the point to me. The point to the rest of the wizarding world was that another innocent, had been tricked and was now dead, that we needed to act. I hated you both at graduation. I hated you two, for joining the wizarding army, for putting your, already endangered lives, on the line yet again, for not letting me come too, for turning or infinite trio into a singular and duo.   
  
"You don't have to, you've already done so much for the wizarding world, let someone else do it, let someone else play the heroes for once." You two had argued, all the patriotic things you could think of, and even though I'm a better debater, you two had decided and were leaving a month after graduation and I couldn't stop you. To tell you both the truth, I was jealous, jealous that you two could be the heroes again and I wasn't aloud to be with you two, to be Harry the courageous, Ronald the loyal and charismatic, Hermione the smart and resourceful. I wanted so badly to be a part of it, of us, to feel a part of the world, connected to everyone, knowing that I've helped people and saved people, but this time, we all knew that it wouldn't work.   
  
When I first got hit, I didn't even realize it; it was one of those kinda pains where you thought you were fine and then all of the sudden you pass out. I still don't know for sure who did it, I was visiting Ron for the summer, and we went on a trip to get Harry from Sirius's flat, it was about a three-day trip, remember? You were in getting us a spot in that tiny hotel, and I was out looking for cheap food. And then I took a wrong turn and next thing I knew I was trapped in this alley way and someone in a dark cloak had me cornered. I had seen the sparks from the wand, but thought he had missed.   
  
And then I was gone, lost form the world. Until I woke up and you were crying. You Ronald Weasley, crying, I was at the hospital, and you were sitting over me crying. It took me a long time to get used to being in a wheel chair full time. But I think it took you even longer to get used to it. I hated how you thought it was your fault. How you got all guilty every time you saw me. How you still get all choked up whenever anyone mentions anything about me being handicapped. I remember how you had pledged to help me still live a normal life, helping do everything form doing my laundry to helping me up staircases. There was that time when we were at that nice restaurant for my birthday, and the hostess had asked you and Harry whether the disabled girl was with you.   
  
"She may be in a wheel chair but she's the most able person I've ever met! You're a hell of a lot more disabled then she is!" I had pretended I was annoyed with you for getting us kicked out of my favorite restaurant, but secretly I loved you for it.   
  
It scares me how much all the things around me, even my wheelchair, remind me of you two. What will I do if you guys don't come back? Harry told me before you guys left that I would always be the queen and if I ordered it, you two would stay here with me. But I couldn't do that to you guys, even if I wanted to I knew you'd both hate me for it. So I said goodbye.   
  
Goodbye.   
  
I'm crying again, and I really can't help it. It's harder when no ones here with me, no Harry hug me and tell me that something big is planned for me, that fate won't put me in dangers way because I'm too good for that. No Ron to call me Mione, and whisper that it'll be ok, to look into my eyes and make me feel infinite.   
  
I love you both so much.   
  
Please, please be careful, and please come back safe.   
  
Please.  
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Thank you for reading this, if you liked it, REVIEW, if you hated it, REVIEW, or if you just thought it was ok, REVIEW! It's not hard, just drop me a note and tell me what you think. 


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